Captain’s Personal Log - Stardate 51080.7

Posted on Sat May 21st, 2016 @ 1:34pm by Captain Julius Whitlam

The Manoora is returning to combat operations and is en route to the Faidon system to evacuate a small group of truculent colonists who don’t want anything to do with the Federation. I’m confident that they’ll have more problems with Dominion interference than anything the Federation might do. I just hope I can convince them of that.

I know I’m not the only one to confess this in a log, but I’m worried about our fortunes so far in this war. It’s been three months now and we’ve had one victory. One. With the exception of the safe arrival of reinforcements or supplies, the only good news we’ve had in this war was our victory at Torros III. Since then, nothing. For the sake of morale, we need a victory and we need it fast. If the Manoora can safely evacuate Faidon IV before the Dominion juggernaut rolls through, that will be a boost to my crew’s morale, but we’re just one ship. If the Fleet doesn’t have hope, what chance do we have to win this war?

I’m using up so much energy just trying to stay positive and present a confident front to the crew. They need to see that their commanding officer hasn’t lost faith and I need them to focus on their jobs so we can all get through this alive. I’ve always made a point of talking with my crew, but I find I’ve been making even more of a point to do so over these past few months. I think it’s more important at a time like this, even though I’m finding it harder and harder. Each day I seem to be getting more bad news and keeping positive in the face of that tidal wave of negativity is exhausting.

Last week, I received the news that my old first officer from the Fairfax, Tela sh’Batherra, was killed in action. She sacrificed her own ship to save the convoy she was escorting. She was a damn fine officer and an excellent captain. I had no time to mourn her death before I had to meet some new officers and put on my confident face. They needed to see a captain who was in control and confident. So I stowed my grief inside, along with that of dozens of other friends I’ve lost. Lassiter, Zechlin, Durant, Sellisa … the list goes on and on. There’ll be plenty of tears to shed when this is over.

I have to keep reminding myself what I’m fighting for. There is so much riding on this war and so many things to fight for. I could fight for my crew, to keep them alive. I could fight for my friends, out here on the front lines with their own ships and crews. I could fight for the countless millions who will suffer if this war drags on, or for the generations who will suffer if we lose. But when I really drill down to it, I’m fighting for one reason. My family. For Zoe. For Erin and Ella and Joe. So they can be safe. So they don’t have to be afraid. So the kids will grow up to follow their dreams. That’s why I’ll keep fighting this war. That’s why I’ll keep wearing that confidence mask even if I’m breaking inside. Because that’s my duty. That’s what is expected of me.

And I intend to do my duty.